Journey

Dad has been a constant all my life.  He was the provider for our family, a strong character who got things done.  He never seemed to change, it was almost like he was ageless.  I can’t believe he is gone.  I don’t know how to grieve.  No one teaches you how to do it and there doesn’t appear to be a guidebook.  Deep sadness and tears creep up on me at inopportune moments.  Sometimes I forget he has passed and talk about him like he is still here.  At other times I don’t want to think or talk about him at all.  It is too painful.  I can’t imagine what it is like for mum, they were married 55 years.  We are all taking turns so she has a visitor each day.  Dad always managed all their affairs so Guy and I are trying to unravel things with mum so she can take over as much as possible. 

Unfortunately after the funeral I was laid low with a gastro bug for four days.  When I finally dragged myself back to the office to farewell one of my staff I felt like I had been through the ringer.  I am recovering but it is slow.  I don’t feel much like myself yet. 

Rory has continued with his usual weekly volunteer programme.  He is working on an urn for Poppa’s ashes with Peter at NP Men’s Shed.  He had his biopsy stitches out with Nurse Cheryl, a session with Psychologist Daniel.  We had a phone call with Auckland Hospital Head and Neck surgeon Dr Nick who removed the osteosarcoma from Rory’s jaw in January 2020.  He is organising for Rory to have a scan of his jaw, neck and chest so we can check there has been no change from a year ago.